It can be nothing less than soul-destroying to face not being believed by people you care about and who seemed to care about you. Sadistic abusers may even try to manipulate your most trusted friends in order to enjoy the thrill of hurting you in a new way.

It is crucial to remember that those friends who are successfully manipulated in this way have been subjected to many of the same powerful tactics to which you yourself fell prey.

Even so, the destruction of these relationships involves a soul-deep experience of betrayal and a grieving process which, again, must be understood and respected in the therapy room.

On an institutional level the courts may also have failed to offer protection and the abuser may have exploited the muddle of legal process to financially and emotionally abuse you in broad daylight.

“He used family money to pay his legal fees and deliberately strung out the proceedings until he had ruined me.”

That the law offers so little protection and that it in fact enables financial and emotional abuse via legal process is another kind of disillusionment to come to terms with. Children’s services and the Child Maintenance Service may have added to your loss of faith in the system.

Where children are involved, perpetrators will often refuse to work or find ways to conceal earnings in order to withhold adequate child support. In this way they can impose financial control long after the end of the relationship.

Despite common misconceptions, family law and the Child Maintenance Service are no match for this conduct. Seeing the fallibility of these services and of family law itself can be terribly disillusioning.